I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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