You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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