Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize