it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
