this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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