please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
