Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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