i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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