the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
