when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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