Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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