He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
