walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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