I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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