does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
