I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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