You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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