Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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