Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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