i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
