I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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