Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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