I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
