Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
