You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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