his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
