Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
