I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
