I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
