just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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