I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
