I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
