so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
