Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
