At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
