the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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