You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
