she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
