Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
