mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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