my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
