Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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