you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
