I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
