Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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