Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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(914): View more from New York

My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.

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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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(513): View more from Ohio

Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?

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(772): View more from Florida

Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?

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