omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
