just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
