i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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