im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize