did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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