They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can Purell be used as lube?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
