They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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