I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
