Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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