were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
