the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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