his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
