I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
