Acid is not a monday night drug
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
