I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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