Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
