i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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