i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
