It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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